Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
"Mommy, Keiko breathed some of her germs on me. Am I ok?"
"Yes, Portia you're ok."
"Mommy" Mercedes' sleeve touched my arm. Am I going to catch on fire?"
"No Portia you're not going to catch on fire. You're ok. Stop worrying" I then explain what it takes to start a fire.
"Mommy, I breathed in a smoker (translation: someone was smoking and she breathed in the second-hand smoke out on a walk or something). Am I going to be ok?"
Yes Portia you will be fine Sweetie. Why are you so worried?"
"Well I just want to know if I will be ok."
"Yes Portia you will be fine"
"But Mommy is my nose going to catch on fire because I breathed in a smoker?"
"Portia is your nose on fire now?"
"You will be fine Portia. Your nose can't catch on fire from breathing that in."
"Mommy I looked at the sun. Am I going to be ok."
"Yes Portia you're going to be fine. But try not to do it on purpose"
Ohhhhhh Mommy I looked at the sun again on accident. Am I going to be ok?"
*sigh* "Yes Portia you will be fine".
And then there is the night time when her imagination comes alive.
"Mommy" (in a little whisper right next to my ear at 3 am) I dreamed a lion was getting me. Can lions get me Mommy? Can they smell me?"
"No Portia. Lions live in Africa. That is very far away. They cannot get you and it's too far to smell you. You're ok. You are safe."
She climbs into our bed for a few hours until I am awake enough from her moving to take her back to bed.
"Mommy!" (an urgent whisper into my ear and dreams again in the middle of the night) can my dreams become real?" I know where this one is coming from...a movie she saw.
"No Portia your dreams won't become real. You're ok. You are safe. I love you."
"Are you sure Mommy?"
"Yes darling I'm sure now go to sleep" Again she crawls into our bed until Shaun or I are awake enough to take her to her bed.
~3 months of this so far~ day and night.
But they are legitimate fears in her world. We have been trying to trace it back to where it started. And we were teaching the girls about the symbols on containers (like a bleach container). Some have a corrosive symbol, others have explosive symbols etc. And we think that's where it started. But we didn't teach it too them in a way to make them freak out. It's interesting how she reacted though. I have caught myself, lately, watching my warnings to her about things though. And I nearly lose it when other people warn her (even teasing) Like the other day she was playing a game on my i-phone and someone said "That's going to wrought you're brain". They were teasing but she took it very literally and almost lost it over that comment. It's just interesting what she takes literally and really worries herself over.
She was in Shaun's truck a few weeks back and her had brushed a windshield wiper fluid container and she FREAKED! "Am I going to be ok Daddy?" She was wailing...and really terrified because she saw a symbol on the container.
We try not to get impatient and brush her off. But some days it's very frustrating. Sometimes my answers have been through clenched teeth. I do have to say in the last week it's started to lessen. And that is a relief. We have also injected humor lately and that seems to work well sometimes.
Not so much this summer. Our house had a little flood...and I do indeed mean little. Want proof? Well here's a picture:
Doesn't look too threatening right? Wrong. The other side of the wall was way worse and then the insurance company found asbestos in the flooring that was under the flooring you can see in this picture. So now my kitchen looks like this:
which really doesn't look like much other than that you have to take a few things into account. The first thing is that all the stuff (cupboards and all that was in them) are in the classroom...which was ready for school starting soon. The appliances are in the TV room and all the flooring is also out of this room...the TV room couches, toys, TV, etc. are in the living room and the guest room...it's really a gong show. We finally got approval for our renovation company to start the renos...but in the mean time not only is our house a gong show we have no kitchen. We lost our tenant because no one could live here for awhile...it's all really been...the best word is overwhelming.
Anyway, it's been rather unsettling in all and rather costly for us on several fronts, my in-laws have graciously allowed us to come and go from their house as we please and friends have been fabulous...but we really are home bodies when it comes to sleeping in our own bed and relaxing...so we've been trying to make due. But in all we've really overwhelmed and a bit miserable going through this process...it hasn't just been this...some other things I won't bore you with.
And yet...I was looking at a blog tonight and it really set me straight yet again on something that I have been thinking about through all of this...this is an inconvenience and not a problem. We still have all the necessities and in the end we will end up with a updated home. The blog I was looking at is The Big Picture. He always has current event posts up and it's all pictures. This one is about a flood ( a real flood as opposed to my "flood") that is happening right now in Pakistan. 1600 people have dies so far and it's only the beginning of the monsoon season. Now that is a problem. Makes my little inconvenience very minor. I imagine there are millions of people who would love to be "overwhelmed" in my situation instead of the one they find themselves facing.
Now there's some perspective. It's always good to have a dose of that every now and then don't ya think?!
Over the last 3 years my dad and I have been able to start developing a relationship for the first time. I didn't grow up with him. But three years ago that started to change. I have had the privilege of starting to get to know him. Anyway, in the middle of July he got married to a wonderful woman and therefore we got to go down to Redondo Beach for his wedding. I got to also spend time with my little brother (who is 9 years younger than me)and little sister (who is 15 years younger than me) who I also did not grow up with and I guess technically they are my 1/2 brother and sister as we have different mothers but I find that technicality boring and I choose to ignore it because, well, I have come to just adore them. Anyway, now that I have aired a few of the family skeletons I shall move on... .
Monday, May 31, 2010
Verse 12 says "She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. " and verse 23 says, "Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land."
I was thinking back over all the women I have been friends with over the years and their husbands and their husband's reputations. You see it really doesn't matter how successful a man is in business or sports or whatever else he sets his hands too if his wife doesn't have a good word to say about him. The truth is people sum up what they know about a person based on a few things 1) their experience with a person and 2) that person's family's experience with that person...the latter carrying the most weight. And you know who carries the MOST weight in their summation of a person's character? That person's spouse.
You know how that man got respected at the city gates in Proverbs 31? His wife's words and actions towards him because even if she was a catty and difficult woman it still reflects on him. It still makes people pause and think because she is the one who lives with him day in and day out. She is still able to plant that seed of doubt be it absolutely true or completely false.
Think about it!
So men watch well who you marry but mostly how you treat your wife and children. Put more effort into that than your business. Be present. That respect you crave is easily won but not in the way our culture tells you it is.
And women watch well your words about your spouse...even in jest.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Now Beth was talking about Godliness and I figure I can use this concept in the area of physical fitness because the rule applies. She said "...never accidental. Neither is victory coincidental. Both stem from up-front, daily resolve. C-O-N-S-I-S-T-A-N-C-Y." Then she started talking about integrity. "The Latin word for 'integrity' means 'entire'. The essence of the term is wholeness and completeness. Integrity is 'the quality or state of being complete or undivided.' you can see, therefore, how much integrity depends on consistency." Then she contrasted perfection and the kind of consistency that breeds integrity. "...we will never reach perfection in this lifetime on planet Earth, but we can certainly reach consistency."
So I resolve.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
I love watching her and teaching her about God. The concepts she grasps are incredible. She thinks through these deep things and then comes back and asks profound questions and then goes away and thinks some more. She's a wonder that one.
Our prayer for her: Lord give Portia wisdom and understanding. Do not let her forget Your words or swerve from them. Cause her to love wisdom and to value it above all other desires and accomplishments.
I have found such relief in doing something, even though it's not major, in the the area of exercise. It's like when I put off housework and then I finally just start puttering away at things...there is relief and I enjoy it and I wonder what took me so long...the mountain wasn't really a mountain.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
To which I responded, "GIRLed?"
"Yes Mommy GIRLed...grilled is wrong. It's girled chicken."
Mercedes and I had a good giggle...as did Shaun when I told him.
Oh the joy that little sweet beauty brings.
Whipping cream is "whooping cream"
Calamari is "calamardi"
Croutons are "Coupons"
There is no swaying her on these things. She is not a follower that is for sure! I love it!
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
2 days ago Mercedes came up to me and said the it in it's entirety with not one single bit of help all from memory. I started to cry. I don't know if you have ever heard a child speak something so precious to you. It was a sweet sweet moment that I will never forget. What a precious gift she gave me in that minute. I was also quite astounded and amazed! Portia can also say most of it but M has it down pat. I am so proud of her, so proud of Shaun for teaching them and so proud of Portia for listening and learning as well. After she said it the verses to me I told her that now she had that WHOLE chapter of the Bible memorized and hidden in her heart and I explained to her how important that was...she would have that treasure for the rest of her life. She thought about that for a minute and then just smiled in a thoughtful and sweet way. I could tell she was thinking intently about that and liking it.
Here is what she memorized:
The earth is the LORD's, and everything in it, the world, and all who live in it;
Selah (means pause and reflect)
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
About the 2ND day in I started to get all creative and energized and that's when I realized just how draining, exhausting, etc. the last little while had been...so stressful that I stopped the workout program that I had started earlier. The stress paralyzed me in a sense. It was interesting. I am not sure why I freeze when high stress occures...but it is something that I do every time and have just realized that I do it.
Anyway, in my renewed creativity and re-energization (is that a word?) I realized just how disappointed in myself...and really upset with myself I was. I had stopped moving towards a goal that was really important to me and the fall-out was astounding in my personal life. I wasn't as good of a mother, wife, friend...really person. That too was interesting to realize.
So for this year for my birthday I gave myself a goal...to live this next year moving towards the goal of getting healthy, fit, and more active.
I really don't like talking about this. It's embarrassing to me how far my weight has gone. I have withdrawn inside a bit and am not the person I was because I am not comfortable with my outward appearance. It's a struggle that has been going on for about 10 years now. It seems to take me that long to some to resolutions...10 years! I may be slow but once I reach that point...and you all know that point...I don't normally look back. I can't think of one time in my life that I have yet anyway. Why does it take me 10 ? Seriously! I can think of several really important things that have taken me 10 years of processing and learning and thinking to finally move on! Baffling.
Another 10 year epiphany I have come to has to do with relationships. Not gonna go into detail b/c the struggles I have been having with some people do not need to be flouted across the internet...but I have come to realize that I try to hard. That may sound like a complement to myself but it's NOT! It's not a desirable character trait in a person I have come to realize. Not everyone needs to be my best friend. We don't need to work EVERYTHING out with EVERY person. And my husband is right...letting a person not be a close friend or even a friend is OK! You know how it is, some people you just click with and it was meant to be. Some people you try for 10 years to make a friendship and it's like running on coals or having the flu or bursting an appendix...it just doesn't work and it hurts. So I'm not doing that anymore. :) I know...I'm slow. But hey! Eventually I learn. I am learning to guard my heart. Not getting cynical or anything...and still able to interact in a civilized manner with them...
I also see myself not draining all my energy on those not-to-be relationships and having more time for the healthy meant -to-be relationships. :) More room for the good things God has laid out before me. Since I have let those other relationships go God has brought about 30 PHENOMENAL people into my life and I actually have the energy for them :).
So...that is where I am at right now. I love getting older! I love learning and living and being. I am learning to be in the moment more and more instead of an observer of the moment. :) I'm lovin' it...even without big mac, fries, and a coke. ;-P
And by the way I have again started to work out and work towards the goals I have..for about a week now. Yay!
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
I have been finding much comfort in the Bible. I was at my whit's end the other day and my Bible fell open to Psalm 37. What an amazing chapter! It just soothed my soul. A few lines stood out...
vs. 3 "Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper."
vs. 5 "Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you."
vs. 7 "Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act."
vs. 8 "Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm."
vs. 16 "It is better to be godly and have little than to be evil and rich."
vs. 23-26 "The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand. Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread. The godly always give generous loans to others, and their children are a blessing."
vs. 39, 40 "The Lord rescues the godly; he is their fortress in times of trouble. The Lord helps them, rescuing them from the wicked. He saves them, and they find shelter in him."
There are a lot of little jewels in that one chapter. I have been mulling over them still. The word of God cleanses my soul. It strains out the gunk (that is the professional term).
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Ps. 23:1-3 says this, "God, my shepherd! I don't need a thing. You have bedded me down in lush meadows, you find me quiet pools to drink from. True to your word, you let me catch my breath and send me in the right direction."
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Here is his first-hand account:
Here is a photo journalist's blog of pictures. Let them break your heart: http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/01/earthquake_in_haiti.html
and here is his second entry titles "Haiti 48 hours later": http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/01/haiti_48_hours_later.html
Pray, Send Money to a credible relief effort...DO SOMETHING. Many lives depend on it. And if it was you...or your children...wouldn't you want someone to help. Haiti is a VERY poor country that has been hammered over and over again by natural disaster as well as not so natural disaster of cruel people.
Here are some credible relief efforts who will not pocket your money:
Clean Water for Haiti:
World Vision Canada:
World Vision USA:
etc. There are many credible relief efforts under way.
Friday, January 8, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
So I was looking at each loop made over each peg and I was trying to figure out how to go faster and I realized I would likely get careless if I went faster. For a second I thought I might not care but that second passed...well, in a second, and I realized I would care if the afghan was not done to the best of my ability. As it is there are some flaws but that was not due to carelessness. I simply messed up. There is a difference. Which brought be to my second train of thought...this is kind of like parenting. It's the day in and day out little things that, in the end, make up a whole childhood, a character developed, a direction for a life or at least a framework to work with. It was a little reminder that I need to not get careless in my parenting. If I mess up that is one thing...if I get careless, just like in my afghan, that is a completely different ball of yarn...as it where.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I have to say God has really been speaking to me about disciplining certain areas of my life. I am a bit of a dichotomy. I am extremely disciplined in most areas of my life...to rigidity. Then there are 2 or 3 areas that I just have NO discipline. I was thinking about this over the holidays and realized I, in fact, like it that way. But it's not good enough. So some major reforms are in the works. Will keep you posted. :) Should be an interesting journey.
Ciao for now faithful reader.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
As I looked at each face in with me that night I contemplated the relationship they and I have.
Shaun...my best friend, my love, my joy. We have now been married 11 + years. There is a strength and a depth in our marriage that is pure joy and delight to me. Shaun is the one that I can't wait to share any little thing and every big thing that comes my way. I love how he loves our girls. He is the best daddy a mama could ever pray to have for her children. I look forward to the journey by his side. I am blessed to have him as my husband, my soul mate, and to parent our girls with him.
My beautiful angel-girl Mercedes...what can I say? She's one of the two most delightful children I have ever had the privilege to meet. She has a beautiful voice. She is so very sweet. She is so sensitive and loving. She sees people...I mean really sees them and she loves them. She has a compassionate heart. She sees the many layers of a person even the undertones. She is a good listener. She adds such a richness and joy to my life. I look forward to getting to know her and watch her become the mighty warrior princess I know she will be for her King.
My beautiful princess Portia...my other delight who fills our days with laughter and song. What an intuitive bright light. And what a tough cookie! She's my little pixie who sparkles. A little cuddle-bug. She too brings me so much joy. What a gift she is! What a treasure. I love watching her becoming...well her! Every day is an adventure. Every day offers a whole day full of things to find joy in and laugh the best belly laugh a mama's ears could ever hear. She's my little joy bubble. She lets me in and embraces me fully. I look forward to getting to know her better and better and watching her, too, become the mighty warrior princess she will be for her King.
My father-in-law Cam...We have now had 12 years to form a relationship and I have to say that, by God's grace, it's lovely. He has been very patient and gracious with me and let me draw near to him as I felt comfortable never pushing. The difficult patches have made the place where we have come too all the sweeter. I love how he loves Mercedes and Portia. I love how his eyes light up with such joy when he sees them. I am blessed to have the privilege to call him Dad and to be his daughter...our children are blessed to call him Papa.