Tuesday, May 31, 2011

6! My Portia is 6!

Happy Birthday my wee little beauty.  The formative years are done for both of our girls with this milestone!  The first 5 years...gone!  I stand in the middle looking back and remembering with fondness those early years. I am also looking forward with great anticipation.  I love each new year, the wonders they bring. But my Portia...she is indeed a wonder child.
There is that sparkle in her eye that NEVER dims.  It's full of mischief and fun and wonder.  No matter what is going on she can find something to find joy in. She has that 'happy gene". She got it from her Daddy and her Grammie...they are unceasingly happy people.
She loves glam and glitz.  You take her to a store and she wants one of everything...it's all just so wonderful to her. But the thing is most of the time she is thinking of something for everyone...so when she sees something she usually wants it to so she can give it to someone.  She is always making cards and wrapping presents for people.
Her birthday was "the best day EVER!" and then her birthday party day came and that was "the best day EVER!"
She already knows how to use her voice (all cajoling and sweet) and her big blue eyes to melt your heart no matter what she's done.
She dances more than she walks.
She loves music and, even if she doesn't realize it, whenever there is music within her hearing her body is moving to the beat.
She cannot sit still.  It's just not possible.  She cannot be still. She does not even sleep with any level of stillness.
She is night owl. She wanders around the house when she is supposed to be asleep...she has startled me more than once.  "But I just can't sleep Mama".  I understand baby girl neither can I...there is just too much to see and you might miss something. I completely get it!
She loves to paint and draw and colour. Anything art and she's ALL over it.  She loves to learn the mechanics of art.
She's a FAST little runner and she wants to be measured every day "just in case I grew".
She has an astounding vocabulary and she uses it! She is always asking me "what does that word you just said mean Mama?" if it's new to her and then she'll go around using it (correctly) in sentences for the rest of the day. She's a word girl.
She has already learned about boys.  At 4 she declared, in the car on the way to church, "I get to see my boyfriend in Sunday School!" at which point her dad nearly drove off the road.  And then when asked what games she wanted to play for her birthday party she promptly said, "Spin the bottle" to which I promptly said, "um NO! You can't go around kissing people!" "Yeah but Mom...we could hug them!" and of course that sparkle was there in her eye.
 Her shoes, socks, and clothes must feel "just right" or she can't be bothered to wear them. Her hair must be "pretty" and that means her definition of pretty or she can't go out.  Yes she is indeed particular. She has a great sense of style. It's just natural to her.
 She is learning to read words. I am so thankful that I got to be her teacher during this grade of school because I got the privilege of seeing the light go on.  It enthralls her. She loves learning! Loves it! That brings me a tremendous amount of joy.
Awwww my Portia you are still my little joy bubble.  You are such a petite little bundle...still. My teeny tiny girl who is growing up quickly.  I love you my baby girl...with each passing year I love you even more.  I am so thankful that God saw fit to give us you.  You and your sister are our treasures...our jewels.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Some Soul Restoring

Today we did not make it to church...as I mentioned. It was Mother's Day.  By the time we sorted ourselves out it just didn't happen. In the end, I think it was what was needed.  You see we have been going like nobody's business for what seems like too long with no breaks, nothing that refreshed our souls.  Shaun and I are ones that need to be able to just stop and get off the carousel sometimes. We have to or life is not sustainable.
Today was lovely...I don't mean weather-wise because while it didn't rain it looked like it would any second...GREY it was grey. No I mean it was lovely for our souls.  First off we got Shaun's  undivided attention for the whole day!  I can't even remember the last time that happened. He has been working so hard and such long days. Shaun and the girls made a lovely breakfast and we sat down as a family and ate it. Mmmmm it was good.  Then the girls cleaned up the entire kitchen while my love and I sat and chatted! I've been missing him terribly. He leaves before any of us get up and gets home so exhausted as the girls are going to bed.
 After a bit we decided to wander down to a massive park (like 1,400 acres massive) that we hadn't been too yet and walk some of the trails.  DD#2 even walked the whole way and enjoyed it! A first!  We laughed and relished exploring nature. It is beautiful. God is so creative.  If I could get my garden looking half as pretty I'd be quite pleased. Just meandering our way along the trails for 3 hours was so much fun.  It refreshed all of our souls...even the dog's! We inspected an old homestead, said "happy mother's day" to passing mothers, collected rocks, watched horses, walked by a little stream in the midst of a rain forest, had a chinwag with a passing stranger, laughed and chatted with each other. Beautiful.
We came home. Shaun and I listened to a sermon by Mark Driscoll and grandly enough one of my high school friend's wee daughter was the highlight of the sermon. Then I had a lovely soak while Shaun and the girls prepared a yummy supper. We, again, sat down as a family and ate and chatted.  The girls went to bed and my love and I hung out and chatted some more and laughed. We watched a a few "Man vs. Wild" episodes on Netflix.
It was a simple day. It was exactly the perfect day to restore my soul...a soul in desperate need of restoring.
I am blessed and I am thankful.

Crossroad...a quandry

  Today was Mother's Day. It's Sunday, of course. We usually go to church every Sunday. We trek a hour each way for an hour long service...today...we didn't make it.  We are in a quandary about church. When we lived in our last home it was still feasible to continue going to the church that we have gone to for almost 6 years.  We LOVE our church. We LOVE the community we have developed. We LOVE that we get to be apart of the music ministry.
We tried with all of our ability to move nearer to our church...for whatever reason it didn't happen. We could NOT find a place to live that worked. Now by Sunday we are both SO tired and worn out from life at the moment that a day being gone all day just overwhelms us.
We are at a crossroads...
-if we are going to stay in this area (as we have for the past 3 years) we need to develop community here.  But, for us, that comes at a high price.If the girls will be going to school here we need to be involved in a church here.
-when youth group time comes we can't drive and hour each way (never mind traffic).
-We need to be involved in the community we live in. If we want to invite someone to church going to church that far away doesn't work.
I've been really really REALLY REALLY struggling and wrestling and praying about this the last week. Honestly, I don't want to live over here. Honestly, I don't want to leave our church. Apparently there is more at  play here though than what I want.
Here are my fears:
1)We won't find an amazing group of friends like we have...we waited a looooooooong time for these friends. They are special. I cherish them.
Conclusions on that fear so far:  Are we going to lose our friends? I certainly hope not...It will change the relationship somewhat.  I guess if we do then we really weren't that great of friends to begin with.
2) Are we really supposed to be here anyway?
Conclusion on that fear: well apparently we are not supposed to be anywhere else...
3) Will God leave be standing alone with no support or community if He has placed us here?
Conclusion on that fear: ummm NO! I look back over my life...God and I we have a looooooooooooooooong track record.  He has NEVER left me alone or forsaken....even when it's hard and it hurts...in the midst of it all...He is there. And in the end His plan is always perfect...mine...not so much.
4) I don't feel like either Shaun or I have the energy or the where with all, right now, to form a new community and get to know new people. The very thought...well it just is overwhelming and I could just sit here and cry. Especially since we have a VERY nice one just over the bridge.
Conclusion on that fear: Suck it up sunshine.  God will not give me more that I can handle. He promises and either I believe Him or I don't. Which is it gunna be?!
I imagine this will take some time. We will still trek, at least for awhile. And I think we will keep trekking to our home group every other Sunday evening. A transition. Oh how I'm coming to hate that word.
Facing reality is not fun sometimes...lately, for us, it's really sucked on so many levels. But we believe it's what we need to do so that in the end it doesn't suck. So that we can do what we are to do: be good stewards of what God has entrusted us with. Money. Parenting. Marriage. Friendships. and so much more. Each is a precious trust.
And we trust that this will all be worth it...it's just in the middle. Well. You've been there...it. is. really. not. fun. 

Sunday, May 8, 2011


My last post was called "Relentless". This one should be "Relentless Transitions" but I didn't want to be redundant.
Transition: No car for me
Transition: Moving from an area we loved and a house we loved living in
Transition: The girls and schooling
Transition: Physical
Transition: Eating habits
Transition: Cut in pay so the company can thrive
Transition: Business Partner leaving
Transition: How we do $ on a personal level
Transition: Church
Transition: Accountant for business and all the systems we've been working on for the last 8 months have to be changed completely and redone.
See why I wanted to add "relentless"?
There is more but I don't want to bore you.


Lately, I have been thinking about this last year.  That is the word that came to mind and perfectly described it. I said it to Shaun and he nodded his head slowly thinking it over and then said, "Yep!" We got some more "relentless" news 2 weeks ago. We are, yet again, in transition. It feels relentless.
We are tired, discouraged, weary, and feel like that light at the end of the tunnel is somewhat of a joke.
And yet...in the the midst of all of the "relentlessness" there have been some amazing things that have happened.  We are blessed.  We have been given so much.  Our children have been gifts through it all...so patient with their harassed parents. My family has stepped in time and time again and been a massive gift.  Our friends...couldn't make it without them.
 It's people that make life what it is either (no matter the circumstances) a breeze or relentless. I have learned that in spades this year.  But even more than people...I have gotten to see that it is indeed true that God is true to His word...He never gives us more than we can bear.  He always gives us a way of escape.  There is a reason to be in community...for times like these...so you make it. I can give Him all my anxieties and burdens because He loves me...it's just will I remember to do that or will I try and carry them on my own?! This year I've remembered that perhaps half of the time.
I will have to remember that "people" definitely make a difference in life when it's my turn to be that "people" and either be a blessing or a burden to a friend who is struggling. I hope that I choose to be a  blessing and not add to their "relentlessness".