Friday, November 21, 2008

"Morning Pages"

Lately I have been trying something out again. When I was younger I would keep a notepad by my bedside with a pen and at night when my mind would be buzzing I would jot the thoughts down that were flying through my head. I found that it allowed my brain to slow down, take the anxiety out of my head, and allowed me to drift off to sleep. For some reason I stopped doing this when I got married. I journaled every once in awhile but always with the thought that "someone might read this" so I didn't really write down my deepest thoughts for fear of hurting someone or of my thoughts not being safe with them. I have found that I am much more anxious and agitated and wasn't certain why.
This past weekend I was reminded about this practice of writing things down...a book called "The Artist's Way" recommends it. So for the past week now I have been getting up before the girlies are awake and sitting down with a pen and paper and writing down whatever floats across my thoughts. Some meaningless things have been written, a song lyric, but more often than naught the things in my soul that are troubling me...and trust me there are many as my mind NEVER stops...come up to the surface and I write them down and then usually I want to know what the Bible has to say about those thoughts and so I will find myself in a great Bible study. But the thing that I have found the most fascinating about this whole process is that I am simply writing these things down on paper that have been stirring around in my soul...perhaps brooding in my soul, for awhile and that act of writing it out somehow releases it from my inner self. My mind becomes uncluttered from all of the mundane and stupid things that clog it up. I am then able to focus on the things of my day with much more ease. I also find that still small voice of God is much easier to hear. It's been rather remarkable, really, how simple it is. Another advantage that I think my darling husband may be grateful for is that I do not need to process out loud as often or talk about "stuff" as much because I do that on paper. It also seems to free me from the grimmer side of my personality. I can laugh more. I do not store all those hurtful, pain filled emotions in my heart. I write them out, process them, and then come to a new happier conclusion (usually), and go on my way with joy. Really it's refreshing being inside my head space now. I am thankful to have once again discovered this exercise.
So if you ever come across my "morning pages" don't read it. It wouldn't be worth your time...but it was sure worth mine!