A Run In...

Last week I had a run in with a person that was difficult. It cut deeply. It was uncalled for and mean and thankfully that person has since apologized. But it stirred up a whole batch of worms regarding other someones that I truly did not know what to do with and although that person apologized...well they will need to earn back trust. I will not be flinging my arms or my heart wide open to them anytime soon...not out of spite but out of...maybe wisdom. It's not safe. And I would be foolish to do it. And I don't like being foolish.

But it made me think again about conflict and conflict resolution and about life. I used to be one who always liked to hit a conflict dead on right away because I hate conflict so much I just wanted it over with. Then I went through just avoiding conflict and not addressing it at all thinking it would go away. And it did until that pile of dirt that had been swept under the carpet came to light again...and again...and again... Then I went back to shoving myself and everyone else through to a resolution whether they wanted too or not. Then I stopped talking about anything controversial because let's face it in a family of strong willed people, myself completely included, controversial just reads conflict. I would alter between letting people walk all over me to if you lifted a little toe in my direction you had better watch yourself. None of this was healthy behaviour and none of the self help books where actually helping me. And I was getting more and more angry. Then I "stumbled" upon a brilliant thing...I read my Bible. And I really studied it. And I am working on implementing what God has to say b/c really it does work...funny that.

So it all goes back to the armor of God in Eph. 6:10-18.

"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. 12For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. 14Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, 18praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints."

This is taken from a series of sermons from Pastor John Fichtner from Liberty Church.

There is a key element in there for conflict resolution...the belt of truth. It's the very FIRST thing put on (vs. 14). OK so what it truth? In our world "truth" gets a little foggy! But really it's pretty simple. Truth is understanding every perspective on a situation. Seeing every belt loop. I like that imagery. It really helped me to make sense of it...because it you think about it as my perspective is one belt loop but seeing as the belt goes through ALL the belt loops even the ones on the other side of the waist...I need to take a look at all of them. If I only stick to my belt loop then I am stuck to my perspective. And my desire is not truth but to be right! So I have to choose between being a belt loop or will I have the belt of truth? On a side note...this has nothing to do with agreeing with other perspectives. I am simply learning what's important to that person, what they are feeling, and what they would like from me.

Secondly, Eph. 6:14 says, "Stand firm then, having girded your loins with truth". "Gird your loins" was a colloquialism that meant "be blunt". Just giving in or being a "nice person" is not a Godly trait. One cannot do that and have truth. Passive compliant people can be the most "controlling dominant: people, because they were never honest and thought it was a good thing. And since "truth us understanding everyone's perspective on an issue" it includes them understanding your perspective.

Understanding:

Provers 4:1,7; 2:11, 18:2, 20:5, Ps. 32:9, 49:20, Matthew 13:23.

In Matthew 7:1-5 Jesus talked about getting the log out of your eye before you get the speck out of someone else's eye. It goes in reverse too.

How blunt do you get? Proverbs 17 says " He who covers over an offense promotes love, whoever repeats the matter separates friends". Matthew 7:1 "By your standard of measurement , it will be measured back to you." Respond in kind...now blunt does not equal abrasive or mean.

Eph. 4:12-15 How does Paul define and infant? 1 Cor. 3 "Aren't you still infants? For since there is quarreling and strife among you, doesn't that prove you are infants? Instead speak the truth in love, we will in all things grow up."

Eph. 4:25-27, 31 watch the context- "in your anger do not sin", etc. The context is disagreements, and the solution is to speak the truth to your neighbor.

In Matthew 30 times Jesus said "I tell you the truth..." not "I understand or think about or imagine or impart" I tell you the TRUTH! Truth is not proven to be truth until you speak it outloud.

Speak truthfully:

Psalm 15; Proverbs 15:13; Lev. 19:17; Isaiah 45:19; Jeremiah 7:28;9:5; Zechariah 8:3, 16; Romans 9:1; Galatians 4:16.

Humility + Honesty = Truth

Psalm 51:6

Once you have argued their side you ask them to hear your side and get it. Most of the time people will. They may get feisty because they won't like the switch from you hearing them and understanding to "their turn". It's generally not a problem. Sometimes they simply won't do it. But if they won't you cannot really walk in relationship with them.

Mainly though there is one thing to remember...our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God...

or..."this is not an afternoon athletic contest that we'll walk away from and forget in a couple of hours. This is for keeps, a life-and-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels. Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet.

**When you put on the armor of God you become indestructible because you have no enemy. You merely have a lot of teachers who will teach you truth.**

There is obviously more in depth to be had and if you would like that go to http://www.libertychurch.org/streaming/audio/topical_series.php and click on "conflicts". There are several GREAT sermons here that I have gleaned from and much much more to gain.