Surrogacy

Surrogacy as defined by Wikipedia is an arrangement where a woman agrees to become pregnant and deliver a child for another couple or person. She may be the child's genetic mother (the more traditional form of surrogacy), or she may carry the pregnancy to delivery after having been implanted with an embryo with another female's genetics.

Today my sister-in-law is going to the hospital today to have a c-section...to give birth to twins...that she will give away to their parents. She is in no way related to them genetically. She was just the womb and housed them as they grew...or at least that is the prevailing thought.

I must say that when they came to us and told us what they were doing I really struggled with it. I mean I believe that life is a gift and that only God opens and closes the womb...right? Or do I really? Shaun reminded me that we had used birth control and he had a vasectomy...so really we were tampering just as much.

Anyway, we grappled...I grappled a lot. I mean she was doing it for the money right? Except that the amount she gets paid in really a pittance compared to the toll that it has taken on her physically. And then a c-section? Anyway the whole thing is looking more and more altruistic to me as I watch and learn.

I guess one has to go back to motive. I mean that's the real problem right. When we look at surrogacy we take it to the extreme...which is necessary in the world we live in. There are people who would use surrogacy to grow parts for people etc. That is our ultimate concern...the cheapening of human life. Or that as this article says “Surrogacy views women as disposable uteruses, merely containers or public utilities for someone else’s babies. This dismantling of motherhood says there is no essential bond between a woman and the baby she carries under her heart for nine months.” There are, as I said, many legitimate concerns. There are many more arguments against it...like adoption? Why not adopt. There are so many children who need a loving family. But some people simply cannot wrap their mind around that. They want their own flesh and blood. I can understand that.

But as I've watched my sister-in-law carry these two precious babies I have had to rethink many things...in the end I believe it comes down to motive. In this case the motive is to give a family the ultimate gift of a child (or in this case children). All of you mothers know what a gift and what a sacrifice this is. Those of you who want desperately to be mothers...well you know the crushing pain of not having that gift and what it would be to have the opportunity to have that.

I respect my sister-in-law for her choice. I see the value in it. I see the joy she is bringing to others. I asked her if she would do this again. She said she would...I asked her how she would be when she actually had to hand these 2 over to their parents and say goodbye? She said she figures she'll be fine as she set out to do that from the get-go.

It's definitely a new thought. One that takes some time to come to terms with, at least for me. It is because it's new and I take awhile to adjust? Or is it because of the can of worms that it has the potential to open? Maybe both. I have, however, enjoyed the process of watching this particular surrogacy develop from a thought to a reality. I have enjoyed watching my brother-in-law fill in the gaps my sister-in-law was not able to fill due to bed-rest. They have been a great team.

And now tomorrow I get to go meet those two girls. I have some more grappling to do...I am their surrogate auntie...but I will not know the joy of that position. But then again it was never about "my position" was it.