Surrogacy Part 2 (a note from my sister-in-law after having the twins)

This is a note I received today from my sister-in-law after having the twins...thought you might like to hear directly from her (this is posted with her permission...and everyone's names were removed by me for their protection). Also as a side note...my sister-in-law lost a lot of blood and her body went into shock twice after the c-section. She came close to dying. She is presently working hard at getting her hemoglobin's back up so that she does not have to have a blood transfusion.

Baby #1 was 4lbs 8oz, still in NICU on a round of antibiotics but doing great and breastfeeding well. Should be out in a couple of days.

Baby #2 was 6lbs 5oz, no worries with her.

Born at 37wks, 3 days by c-section. Baby #1 was a footling breech, Baby #2 was also breech and stuck up in my ribs ( it feels so nice to breathe again).

My sister in law blogged about this so I got inspired to write (thanks Tama). This really was an amazing experience and as much as it was very simple to give the babies back to their parents, I fell absolutely in love with them over the last few days. The last 8 mths too of course but seeing them and being able to even help do some nursing really shifted it for me (no, this didn't make me bond with the girls - just love them more). It's certainly more of a reality seeing their cute little faces. They are WAY too cute! Perfect really. My kids looked like little aliens who were squished the wrong way coming out - and then they wouldn't come out! There aren't very many babies born this cute to be honest. So... the whole family is doing great and will stay with my mum and step dad until they go back home. They are well loved and we are sure to be in their lives forever. Their mom gave me an engraved bracelet "Forever Grateful, Forever Friends". I cried.

Many people have asked: How was it giving the babies away? How are you doing? Would you do it again? Didn't you bond with them at all??? The easy answer is I gave the girls BACK to their parents. I started out knowing that I would do that and it was as simple as that in the end. I'm doing great and am happy to be able to pump for them and even was privileged to be able to nurse baby #1 in NICU and get some colostrum in her.Their mom got very sick with a fever and just needed help. I felt very honoured.

Would I do it again... probably not. Even though it was a 10 yr wait for them to adopt in the country that this family lives in, and the legalities of surrogacy there make it next to impossible, there were many things that I grapple with - especially international parents tapping into our medical system... Countries are closing their doors b/c we keep sending back kids that aren't perfect enough for us. They'd rather have them in orphanages than mess with the North Americans these days. My biggest dilemma is overpopulation of our planet. I'm contributing to it. Thankfully my husband doesn't want kids so between me having 2 with my ex and this surrogacy, we have just replaced ourselves on the planet. If I did it again, I'll be contributing to overpopulation. I don't think my body could handle this again anyway. 40 is getting OLD!!!

I loved being a surrogate. I would have to say I didn't have a heart if I didn't bond on some level. But these girls were as planned as any pregnancy could be. They will be loved beyond belief. I am sure of that. Are there people in the world that need to reconcile their inability to have kids and move on as a childless couple? For sure. Is this only for the rich or at least privileged? Yes. It costs more money than most people have in the bank. But does that mean it should be illegal? It won't stop people from doing it - they'll just go to India. Better to monitor than control I say.

So, yes, my husband was my rock through this all and I literally could not have done it without him. It would have bankrupt the parents that I was a surrogate for. Child care, respite, housekeeping - that would have cost more than topping up my wages onbedrest. So, yes, they took care of me as per our contract. But that's all that's allowed in my country. If you're doing it for the money, it's about 2.75 an hour that I made but it wasn't for the money. It was for the love of the people, for the experience. My mum asked me how I was ever going to top this. I said I didn't do it to top something - I did it for them. I would do it all again. I loved being pregnant. Twins? Not so much fun but boy are they CUTE!!! No, they don't look anything like each other.