Getting Settled In To My Calling of This Season

Hi my blogging friends. It's been awhile since I've had time to sit down and think. To be honest, I really don't have time today but I am taking it anyway. Sometimes you just gotta! The girls are playing happily for the moment. The dog is annoying the guy who is laying carpet in one of the bedrooms. Shaun is off working hard on someone else's house. I am putting aside all my mega tasks that I have on the table at the moment to just sit down and think for a few minutes.

Last week Shaun and I had the privilege of going to the Leadership Summit. Last year I had found it intensely frustrating. We were leaving a great church that we were involved in leadership in a few areas and moving to a church unknown. I was feeling a need to be a leader outside of my home to get away and have a break from motherhood responsibilities. And while I think that is all good and well, one year later I have a bit of a different perspective.

This year as I listened to the various phenomenal speakers I realized that I was mentally applying it to my roles that I do every day, the roles of wife and mother...but mainly mother. We will be homeschooling this year and, I think, for the first time I am settled into being at home and doing these things as opposed to filling in time at home and wanting to be doing the things I spent the pre-mother years doing and that which I am trained to do...my passions. While many of my friendds have managed to do both I, I have come to find out, am an all or nothing girl. Whatever I am doing I am fully engaged and focused on and I cannot do other things well. That is my default. I am learning, slowly, how to work around this...first I had to realize that's how it was for me though. So for me to be at home but longing to be doing other things meant that nothing actually got done well. In a sense I freeze. I don't know what to do b/c I can't do everything with all my strength...so I just stop. You would not be able to tell this by looking at my life. It looks very busy and somewhat productive. But mentally this is what goes on. I am not sure that I am articulating this very well, likely, because this is a new revelation for me and so I have not fully processed nor conquered

Another thing that goes along with this is that I am not a multitasker...yeah I know I'm a woman and that people assume that a woman and a multitasker are one and the same...this is not the case for me. My mom is an amazing multitasker and still doesn't get how I am not. She often looks at me in bewilderment when I just can't multi-task. It is a detrimental thing when you are a mom. The job basically requires it as a starting point. Motherhood is a constant interruption of thoughts and tasks. There are days when I wonder if I will go insane! But by the grace of God the love of my husband and children I do not!

I have to say that over the last year I got SO frustrated with not being content with where I was at that I finally started praying. Imagine that! I prayed that God would give me a passion for all that I needed to be a mother to these precious PRECIOUS gifts that He gave to me for this season. He took me up on this request and slowly and graciously has begun to grow this passion. I know it will be a process but I am encouraged. He has grown it to the point that homeschooling the girls is not an overwhelming burden on my heart but I am actually looking forward too it. I do not know what this year will hold or the next. I am kind of glad about that. It would be overwhelming I think.

If you talk to any mother, who's children are already grown, they will tell you that these years go by so quickly and to cherish each moment. A friend once told me that "the days are long but the years are short". It is a bittersweet thing. On one hand you sort of long for the never ending barrage to end. On the other hand you never want it to end. It's the hardest and best job one could ever have.

I do not want you to think that this is the complete picture of my motherhood experience. For it is not by a looooooong shot. It's just that, at this point in the journey, this is what God is working on in my heart and life. These beautiful girls bring me SO much joy, a fresh perspective, and a river of love that I never knew existed before I had the privilege and joy to be their mother.

2 Conversations with the girls.

Today we were coming back from Victoria, the girls and I, on the ferry. We were eating and all of a sudden Portia says in a not so quiet (and yet not too loud) voice, "Look at that fat man mommy!" Now I knew someone was sitting down behind me about a foot away so I figured they heard. I whispered to her across the table that it's not nice to say stuff like that. She just looked at me quite unconcerned. About 2 minutes later that "fat man" asked me if I would like any of his ketchup packets as he had too many and he had noticed that we were using ketchup. Then about 15 minutes later when he was finished eating and leaving he stopped by the table and said "You girls are the 2 best behaved little girls I have ever seen" and then went on his merry way. At this point Portia started giggling quietly at first and then she burst out into a full giggle. When asked what was so funny she turned to Mercedes and said "MERCEDES he said we were BOTH LITTLE girls. I am the only little girl. You are a big girl right?" Mercedes agreed and they had a good giggle. As did I.

After we got off the ferry and were driving down the rode the girls saw a helicopter in the sky. Mercedes pointed it out to Portia and I. Portia said "helicopter". But she must not have pronounced it quite correctly because Mercedes started breaking down the word for her. She started with "Hell" "I" "Cop" "tor". started to repeat after her "hell" and then she stopped. "Hey Mercedes isn't has that a word 'hell'? Mercedes do you know what 'hell' means?" Mercedes replied, "No do you?" Portia "No but it is a word right" Mercedes said it was. At this point I jumped in and told asked them "Do you want to know what hell is?" They both said yes. "When we die we either go to Heaven or Hell. If you believe in Jesus and He knows you then you go to Heaven. If that is not the case then you go to Hell. Hell is where Satan lives and he is the most evil being. Hell is an awful place. " At which point Portia piped up VERY emphatically, "Well I am going to Heaven because God knows my name Mommy! He knows MY name!" I asked her if she believed in Jesus and she said "YES! And He knows my name". And then Mercedes and Portia went off the fact that God owns everything and had made the cows and the peacocks and the....everything! It was a lengthy list.

Those are the precious moments that I cherish.

I Love Summertime

Well summer is here, mostly. We have had some wicked hot weather and I have soaked in every ray. Summer, for me, is the lazy time of year. The time of year to let your hair down and just relax. I don't think you actually end up relaxing more physically but mentally you do and that makes all the difference. So it's a mental thing.

Shaun is home now and I can't tell you how happy I am about that. It just makes my world go 'round the right way. The girls are more content...I even think the dog is more at ease and relaxed. There are berries to eat, flowers to pick, butterflies to catch, sunshine to absorb, tans to get, mud to roll in, and friends to hang out with. The world is beautiful and I am enjoying every second of it. I hope you too are having a relaxing and reviving summer.

Home again home again jiggity jig

Well I couldn't take it. After posting the last blog I booked it out of BC to cow town with the girls in tow to see Shaun and hang out until he was free to come home. We had a great time! We got to hang out with the Milner and Miller clans. What fun 6 adults and 9 kids pretty much take over anywhere you go. Let's see we had 3 six year olds, 3 four year olds, a 2 year old, an 18 month old, and a 8 1/2 months old. It was riot. The kids got along so well and played and played and played.

I hadn't been to Calgary since 2000. If I had to pick a city in Alberta to like it's Calgary. I have so many good memories there. That's the city that we would head to for fun times in college, that's where Shaun and I would go on dates when we were dating, and we lived there for a short while.

There is nothing like old true friends with whom you just know you are loved regardless. Shaun and I are truly blessed. These 2 families are amazing. Their children have the joy of children who have 2 parents who love them and whose families are stable and strong. In our world this is a rare and wonder gift to behold. I don't know...I've said it over and over again in this blog but it bears repeating. Friends that one has walked down the path of life with for a long time and still remain your friend are people to cherish. They are a balm to the soul. They are one of God's richest gifts here on this earth that is so full of heartache. They are a reminder of all that is precious and true. I am thankful for my friends. I am thankful that we got to spend unexpected time with THESE friends over these last few weeks.

Sad but Thankful

Today I came home from Calgary. I was in Calgary because Shaun is working there for...well he has already been there for 2 weeks and it could be another 4 weeks or it could be one more week. We'll see.
My mom graciously came and took care of the girlies from Thursday to Sunday so I could go and hang out with my husband for a few days. Last week Shaun came home after being gone for the aforementioned 2 weeks and basically slept the whole time as he has been working 12 hour night shifts.
Now here is what I am thankful for:
*I am thankful for God: my sustainer, the One who orders my days, the One who is all
*That Shaun has work and that he is a good and willing provider for our family
*That we are all safe and healthy
*That we got to see him.
*That this time away is not for several months or years
*That we love each other enough to achingly miss each other (even after being married for almost 11 years)
*The girls. I can't imagine life without them and they speak to me everyday of God and of Shaun and my love for each other.
*That the girls miss Shaun so much means that he is such an amazing and involved father that he is worth missing...a rare thing I think.
*That our bills are getting paid and some of our debt is getting a little whittled down.
*That I have a mom who is willing to give of her time, energy, and money so that I could go and spend some much needed time with my husband sans enfants.
*I got to spend an evening with my dear college roomie, Dorilee, and pick up where we last left off
*I am thankful for our students that live with us this summer. It makes the time not so lonely and miserable, especially Laura.
*I am thankful for Keiko my scary guard dog. She may lick people to death but don't mess with me or the girls you might find yourself on the wrong end of her rage.
*I am thankful that I got to go away from the girls and I am thankful that I get to be home and be mommy. I love my job. It's the best job in the world because of our girlies.
I am sure there are more things to be thankful for but that will do for now.
Really, Shaun being gone SUCKS! I HATE it. It feels like a part of me is missing and I physically ache. And you know what? I am thankful for that. I am thankful that after knowing him for 13 years I still love being with him and yearn to be with him and hate being away from him and can't wait to see him again.
Oh, and one more thing I am thankful for...that my husband HATES being away and he misses the girls and me. I am thankful that he can't wait to get home too!

Portia-isms

There are so many stories that I could tell you about the hilarity level of my Portia. She is a RIOT! She just turned four and since she was born she has had this amazing belly laugh. It's, flat out, the best sound in the world. Well no, let me correct myself, it's one of the two best sounds in the world. The other one is when her and her sister are laughing together. Her second middle name is Allegra...which means joy and she has this incredible ability to bring joy where ever she goes. She makes me laugh out loud at least once a day...usually much more often.
Today was no exception. I was unloading groceries from the shopping cart into the car. She was sitting in the cart facing me. This lady walks behind the cart heading towards the store and Portia, without moving her head to look says in a somewhat loud voice, "HI LADY!" as she keeps staring straight ahead in the complete opposite direction of the lady to whom she was addressing the comment. She, of course, had a very impish look on her face. This was after she had been addressing me all morning as "Bay-buh". "Hey Bay-buh Mama" "Bay-buh what ya doin' Bay-buh?" Later, as I was getting her out of the car to go into the house I said very sternly to her "Portia you are not being very obedient!" To which she promptly replied, without so much as batting an eye with equal sternness, "Mommy you are being VERY grumpy today!" To which I replied, "No Portia I am being stern not grumpy. There is a difference!" "No Mama YOU are BEING GRUMPY!"
Yesterday, we were all driving to church and we were joking back and forth, all of us in the car, because Shaun was speeding in order to get to church on time. He was saying if an officer pulled him over he would say, "Office..." and before he could day anything more a voice pipes up from the back in a Boston accent "Forget about it! Don't worry about it!" Sounding very Sopranos or The Godfather-ish.
Honestly, I really don't know where she comes up with half the stuff that she comes up with but she is so good with words, rhyming and rhythms. She is a charmer and her comedic timing is impeccable! She is very bright and very quick to pick up on things. Between Portia and Shaun our house is in stitches much of the time.
And I am thankful. As the good book says, "A joyful heart is good medicine." So laughter is the best medicine and we are careful to take out daily does.

More stuff from the girls

So I should be asleep...and I was until my youngest came in crying and crawled onto our bed at 12:50 a.m. "Mommy" she wailed "I have gum in my haaaaaaaaaaaaaair!" Yep she sure did have it MASHED right in there...in her hair, on her face, and her arms. I tell sleeping husband I need his help "#$%&&* just cut it out@##$%" (he is not so much helpful at night) "No! I am not going to cut it out. It's in a bad spot to just cut it out. I will get it out with peanut butter" "PEANUT BUTTER?!!!?!?!?" "Yes Peanut butter. Can you please check her bed to make sure that it's not all over?" "#$%^%&*" Only my Portia would get gum from her stash at bedtime and then fall asleep with it in her mouth. She was very cute though during the whole extraction process.
And now I am wide awake so I will tell you some more tales from this household.
On to the "most terrible mother award" story: A little over a week ago Miss M was going on a field trip to the fire station. She told me that she needed to bring some canned food for the food bank. OK. Well the morning of the field trip we get to school and get in line and I realized that I had not brought the canned goods. I exclaimed my dismay to a couple of the moms standing near and one of them said not to worry she brought extra just in case. Phew! So she hands me some items and I went over to my daughter. "I forgot to bring canned foods M but don't worry Bethany's mom gave me some. Isn't that wonderful?" She looked straight at me and nearly rolled her eyes, I think. Then she says, "Mom I brought some. They are in my backpack. See!" Niiiiiiiiice. My 6 year old is more responsible than I am!
More Portia cuties:
*Daddy and daughter were out together at Long and McQuade. As they were leaving the store daughter looks up at daddy and says " It's good for 3 year olds and daddys to hang out and blue eyes to stick together." (They both have blue eyes)
*I was getting Portia out of the car and then carrying her when she asked me a question regarding something she wanted to buy in the store. I promptly told her to "ask her father". She kind of muttered under breath "father? oh that is like mother" and then she said in a very commanding voice "MOTHER PUT ME DOWN!" and then she ran to "ask her father". I just cracked up.
*I had told Portia to get her bathing suite on so she was hunting for it. "Daddy have you seen my bathing suite? It's the one with the boob straps!" At which point Shaun and I look at each other with a "What did she just day?" look. "Shaun asked Portia "What kind of straps?" "Boob straps Daddy. You know the ones that hold up these" (at which point she grabs her chest and points with her other hand). Now really how in the world does one keep a straight face with that? I mean seriously! Where does she come up with these things? Boob straps?