Shiny Happy People

Yesterday Shaun and I went back to the church that we went too when we were engaged and first married. We loved it ten years ago and I think in the back of our mind we kind of wish we had never left. I am not sure why we didn't go there in the first place when we first moved back to this area. But hey! ANYWAY! I digress.

On Sunday mornings the church service is filled with the "shiny people". You know, the ones like you and me who are educated. Have a lot of the rough edges taken off. Our emotions are very "proper". We clap at the right time and sing on key. We are very polite. Our children know how to behave in a church service. And we are dressed to the nines. We look GOOD people! We don't get too exuberant. We love Jesus because it's logically the right thing to do OR perhaps we saw that life was empty without Him. We call on God when we need Him but other than that life is going pretty well thank you very much! I am not being cynical here. I is one of this group. So I get it. I am making a comparison so just bear with me.

Now on Sunday nights at this church there is a service called "Fire and Freedom". It's been going on since before we first went there almost 11 years ago...I think it was just getting going though. Well we went the last 2 Sunday nights. And let me tell you about this crowd (and it is indeed a crowd) that shows up to this church service. This is a much rougher crowd. There is a distinct smell of drugs, not just cigarettes. They aren't dressed quite like the morning group. Their children run wild and are absolutely fascinated (to the point of almost getting on stage before they get grabbed by a parent at the last moment) by the musicians. They are much rougher around the edges. There are tatties everywhere...not that I mind tatties but these aren't the nice pretty ones these are the ones with skulls and blood...the wilder versions.

On a side note, have you ever noticed that the it's these ones that are the most charismatic in personality? It is these that are the best looking...now is a rough sort of way? At our last church we had a drug and alcohol rehabilitation place and these boys would come by van to the 11 o'clock service. They would sit in the front rows and sing and praise their hearts out to Jesus. They were the ones that I most looked forward to seeing when I helped to lead worship. They did not look bored...they looked thankful and expectant AND EXCITED to be there! I always had the same feeling upon watching them that God had a powerful plan for their lives and Satan knew it. He had thwarted them and God with every trick he had up his sleeve to "kill steal and destroy"them. But God...BUT GOD! I love those 2 words put together! That says it all! BUT GOD! My life was headed for destruction BUT GOD...

Now, back to last nights service...let me tell you about their worship style because this is what caught Shaun and I the most and made us think. There is a vibrating air of expectancy. They sing with all that is within them, on key or off. There is a wild passionate power. They scream and dance and shout out to God. You get the feeling, just by being in the room, that these are the ones that Jesus loves the best. They know that from which they have been saved. They have been in the arms of Hell. They have been in the darkest places and seen the the true side, the ugly death-giving side of sin to it's fullest degree. And now they have been brought into LIFE! And they cannot possibly contain themselves. It just seemed more real like they have grasped the gift that was given to them. They understand grace.

You know, as Shaun and I were walking to our car we were talking about this. The truth of the matter, when we accept Jesus as out Lord and Saviour, is that we too were saved from the same death-giving life. The same sin-infested grotesqueness. It was just in a prettier package. For us the transformation wasn't as visibly juxtapose. So we go on being happy plastic people.

The song that Casting Crowns did "Stained Glass Masquerade" (that played on the song by R.E.M "Shiny Happy People") keeps coming to mind...



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRUJrjUGGfg

"My Eyes Are Soooooo Silly Mommy"

2 days ago the girls and I were running errands and we were about 10 minutes away from being done. I didn't want Portia falling asleep in the car as we were headed home and I was looking forward to a quite time while the girlies napped (yes they do still nap...for my sake more than theirs I must admit). So when I looked into my rear view mirror and saw her beautiful blue eyes closed I started making a lot of noise and calling her name so she would wake up. Then a little voice from the closed-eyes face piped up "Mommy I have been trying and TRYING to keep my eyes open. But they won't listen to me. They just keep closing (her eyes are now trying to open without much success). My eyes are SOOOOO silly Mommy!"

That's my Portia!

A beautiful blue sky day...

It was one of those days too...I just posted a blog on another part of this "those" day. Here is the other part. It was beautiful day...in more ways than one!
1) On Tuesdays I drive A LOT....It was a clear crisp blue sky day. When the sun shines my world always brightens no matter what. It also helps that I live in God's neck of the woods...have you been here? It's gorgeous! I could see Mt. Baker with fresh snow all the way to Golden Ears (also with a smattering of fresh snow) and on around to the North Shore Mountains...what a breath-takingly stunning view...and all of this was set against the clearest bluest sky in sharp contrast! As I said Gorgeous! It has the ability to take your breath away. Creation screams of God and today it was screaming so that no one could ignore it.
2) We are all well on our way to being human again. It has been a long cabin fever filled haul. We have been sick for way too long. And I felt maaaaaarvelous today!
3) I got a new crock pot today! Yipee! I am pretty excited about it! I have needed a bigger one since we are feeding more people on a daily basis.
4) As we were driving home the moon was just coming up...it was a full moon and it looked like a harvest moon. It was HUGE just coming over the horizon.



...I enjoyed my our children and niece and nephew today. I enjoyed my sister-in-law. I enjoyed life today. All the little things that make life LIFE.

Yep it was one of "those" days! And I am thankful!

P.S. I did not take these pictures. I found them on the web.

My Portia and her button pushing limit bending day

So today has been one of those days. I know you moms know what I mean. One of "those" days that left me gaping at my 3 year old and then threatening to take her completely out of gymnastics and then watch her cousin do the gymnastics for an hour each week until June if she EVER behaved that way again...not my shining moment either!...yeah one of THOSE days. She pushed every button and limit today. She was in fine form. Mischief personified.

Now usually my Portia is a rather charmingly precocious child. She is still required to be sweet and obey...no exceptions. Today it didn't matter. I will give you 2 examples that happened in an hour's time...and the day, as you know, is so much longer than an hour.

She had gymnastics today and truly I wish that I had made a video of her a couple of times. While we were waiting for class to start she was chasing her cousin and sister around and fell and skinned her knee...now Portia is my second born. She is VERY tough. Not much makes her cry. She can hurt herself in ways that would send my first born to emerge and she will get up and keep going.AND she is, by nature, VERY independent. So "I can do it myself (with great emphasis on myself)" is a common sentence from her. Well today that skinned knee got the better of her. She would not walk on her leg because she needed a band-aid. And boy did she howl. and howl and howl and HOWL! So we got her a band-aid and some polysporon. Do you think that did the trick? NO in fact I think she set to howling even more. She wanted me to carry her everywhere...to throw away her tissue, to go to the bathroom, to get a drink...remember we are still waiting for class to start with everyone looking on at the show. And then she did not want to go into class. I finally convinced her to go in and she went and sat on a mat in the very middle of the class and just sat and watched for a good while. And then she decided it was time to RUUUUUUUUUUN!

She is generally in her own world anyway but today she really was in her own world. And the rest of the time while her whole class, including her cousin, where going through the routine she was running like a banshee around the ENTIRE gym...let me make that clear...the ENTIRE gym. She would come bang on the window and wave exuberantly at me before taking off again at a gleeful gallop around and around. And then it would be my turn to tap with authority on the window to try and get her attention to go "listen and obey". Oye Vay! Not sure why I bothered. She was "that" child today. The teachers would glance at her every once in awhile and gently call her over to participate in class. She must have known they were not going to require her to participate because for all the attention she paid them they might as well have not been there. I guess she is feeling better. It's been a long while since she has felt like running so it is good to see her with so much energy. A lady sitting next to me leaned over and asked how old she was (she is 3 but she is in the 4-5 year old class b/c she will soon be 4). Her son, who was doing a make-up class is also 3 it turns out and she said in his class they all act like Portia was acting today. That was a small comfort...very VERY small.

I told my mom that latter story tonight on the phone and she thought it was "so cute" as a grandma has a prerogative to think. And she had a good laugh. But me, the mother who is trying so hard to raise her to be a wonderful citizen of this world, did not think it was cute (well...maybe now I do...just a little...I have been giggling recalling it but at the time...) and in fact I wanted to sink through the floor while throttling her. But of course I would never do that! The day went on from there to hitting and pinching and whining, and crying, and more whining.

But you know...I am sitting here, as I type, thinking that, in all, I am thankful that she has her spunk back. I missed it while she was sick this past while. I am thankful that she is a healthy beautiful child and that she is my child. I am thankful that God lent her to me. I am thankful that I am the one that she calls "mama". She is a such a sweet, funny, cuddly, and joyful child. She is my little joy bubble. As her name means so she is. She is a gift...to all who meet her but most especially to me. She is so very full of life. And as for the days that try my sanity levels...well, as a friend reminded me not too long ago, the days are long, when they are this young, but the years are so very short.

The explanation...

I just did a "25 Random Things About Me" thing that is going around on Facebook. One of the things I put was "I hate girl's nights. I would rather spend time with my husband." I have gotten some ribbing about that. Women do not like that it seems. Let me clarify...and I may just rant a little.
I really enjoy nights out with some of my girl friends...more one on one nights out as opposed to a whole group thing. I rarely do it b/c I would rather spend time with my husband. But there are more reasons why I hate girl's nights. I dislike the general way the conversations go in regard to how they don't like this or that about their husbands. It really bothers me. I have been in situations where it happens often. It always turns my stomach. It seems to be the rule rather than the exception. I believe that we as women have that ability to honor our husbands in those settings by speaking well of them instead of tearing them down. Even when he does not "deserve" it. Really ladies it only makes us look bad not the men we are talking about. So go by the old rule in the case of husbands, "if ya don't have anything nice to say...don't say it at all".
Another thing that I do not like about "girl's nights" is the mundane conversations. I mean I get the first 20 minutes, or even 45 minutes, being about clothes and shoes...don't get me wrong I like these things just as much as the next girl. But when all a girl has got to talk about is counting calories and shopping trips things get boring pretty fast. I often sit and think..."I am taking precious time away from my husband and kids because ???????"
There are so many things in our world to talk about...so many interesting things! When I get together with old girl friends we have so much fun. I love THOSE "girl's nights"...although they generally happen in the middle of the day between taking care of a plethora of children....so technically they are not girl's nights I guess. But that is what life is and it's the spice of life to me.
Here's another thing... I enjoy the way things go down when my husband is around. He is SUPER funny. He's the life of any party. Where ever he is there is laughter. I miss him when he's not there to add to a conversation. I miss him when I go to a new place or hear someone speak and he's not there. I want to experience these things WITH him not with girls...that's why I married him...to do life together. I love sitting back in a group of people and watch him work the room. I love being by his side when he's doing it. He's my better half...why would I want to do stuff without my better half? I would rather be with my husband than with anyone else...that's the truth of the matter. I like you and all...:) I also like mixed groups better than just girls...always have and likely always will. It's so much more interesting!
I find the church the worst culprit for this...separating husbands and wives for events. Shaun and I have had many conversations about this. It's "good" for us to do things separately they say! REALLY!?! I'd like to know where in scripture we got that concept. Yes I know I am pushing buttons here b/c this is the popular thing at the moment. But honestly, more than anything I find it offensive. Life is busy enough and separating us enough without that added on top.
I get the whole valuing my friendships with my girl friends. And I do. I'll do a spa date or coffee any day girls. And the odd time I might even go for dinner and a movie without him. But please don't ask me to go away for the weekend with just the girls...I won't do it. And please don't be offended...I just like my husband better than I like you..no matter how wonderful you are :). It's just I've found that the best things in life ALWAYS INCLUDE MY HUSBAND!

Live Loved

“Live Loved” that is my phrase for this year. My mom said that to me a month or so ago. She had run across it somewhere…and it has really stuck with me. For me, there is so much meaning packed into those two words.
This last summer I saw Colin Powell at The Leadership Summit done by Willow Creek. Colin Powell has something he calls “Powell Principles” In fact he has a book that came out in the not too distant past called, The Powell Principles: 24 Lessons from Colin Powell, a Legendary Leader. I was fascinated by this thought. Making simple statements that remind me quickly of what I believe. So I have been thinking about coming up with little sayings for my life that remind me in a simple statement but are packed with meaning. Here is one of them, “live loved”.

So what does that mean to me? Well so far… so far it reminds me of whom I am. It reminds me of He who loved me first. It reminds me that if I truly believe that no matter what I do as a child of God I am loved and forgiven. Not to use that as an excuse but to be able to move forward after failing with confidence and in His strength. I am not so self-conscious nor am I so hesitant. I assume people like me instead of assuming they don’t. I am not so apologetic just for being me. In short, it gives me the confidence to become who God created me to be without apology...without all the junk cluttering my way and dragging me down.
I saw this on a friend's blog and it sums this side of this little saying up for me"

I don't want to get to the end of my life
and find that I lived just the length of it.
I want to have lived the width of it as well.

- Diane Acherman-

On the flip side…this allows me to love others.

1 John 4:10 “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for (or as the one who would turn aside his wrath, taking away) our sins.”

See you on the flip side!

"Morning Pages"

Lately I have been trying something out again. When I was younger I would keep a notepad by my bedside with a pen and at night when my mind would be buzzing I would jot the thoughts down that were flying through my head. I found that it allowed my brain to slow down, take the anxiety out of my head, and allowed me to drift off to sleep. For some reason I stopped doing this when I got married. I journaled every once in awhile but always with the thought that "someone might read this" so I didn't really write down my deepest thoughts for fear of hurting someone or of my thoughts not being safe with them. I have found that I am much more anxious and agitated and wasn't certain why.

This past weekend I was reminded about this practice of writing things down...a book called "The Artist's Way" recommends it. So for the past week now I have been getting up before the girlies are awake and sitting down with a pen and paper and writing down whatever floats across my thoughts. Some meaningless things have been written, a song lyric, but more often than naught the things in my soul that are troubling me...and trust me there are many as my mind NEVER stops...come up to the surface and I write them down and then usually I want to know what the Bible has to say about those thoughts and so I will find myself in a great Bible study. But the thing that I have found the most fascinating about this whole process is that I am simply writing these things down on paper that have been stirring around in my soul...perhaps brooding in my soul, for awhile and that act of writing it out somehow releases it from my inner self. My mind becomes uncluttered from all of the mundane and stupid things that clog it up. I am then able to focus on the things of my day with much more ease. I also find that still small voice of God is much easier to hear. It's been rather remarkable, really, how simple it is. Another advantage that I think my darling husband may be grateful for is that I do not need to process out loud as often or talk about "stuff" as much because I do that on paper. It also seems to free me from the grimmer side of my personality. I can laugh more. I do not store all those hurtful, pain filled emotions in my heart. I write them out, process them, and then come to a new happier conclusion (usually), and go on my way with joy. Really it's refreshing being inside my head space now. I am thankful to have once again discovered this exercise.

So if you ever come across my "morning pages" don't read it. It wouldn't be worth your time...but it was sure worth mine!